I’ve been having quite a few ‘aha’ moments lately, I’ve realised that there are forces in the universe that are working very hard to lead me to a safer, more productive and happier place in my life. This wouldn’t have been possible even just a year ago, because I wasn’t ready to listen and learn from something far bigger than myself. I was arrogant, closed and afraid of life and other people; it was the more negative emotions that were controlling my life. Anger, feels good at the time, but regret will come quickly and it’s a bit hard to take back the devastating words that tend to come out. The catch is, of course, the effect it has on us in our day to day experiences; if you let anger through, you will tend to find it will own you.
I certainly don’t have all the answers, in fact far from it. I’m struggling with what God is trying to teach me: but that’s ok, it may take time but the concepts I’m trying to grasp are life-changing and I know whatever time I have left on this earth I will continue to develop as God guides me. There is a time and place for everything; this is promised to us, so whatever your journey however short I believe the answers will come when we die. Some things we simply aren’t meant to know, and I think comfort can be derived from that.
I was led to start writing again after years of silence, I know I clammed up and became quite insecure about what I wrote, who to and why. Especially what I wrote, because I’ve always been a very harsh critic and judgemental about every single sentence. I’m still that way, my aim for the start of writing this blog was to write about the impact my diabetes has had on my life but even though I’ve taken a pseudonym I’m finding that every time I post something, the anxiousness will well up and I’m waiting for the critism. It’s not the way to think, I fully understand that, but now I can see the way forward.
The answer is in letting go, I need to care more about my feelings and thoughts. Your opinion and good will is important, I certainly don’t want to hurt anyone or cause them problems. This is my story however, my chance to fulfil my own promise to myself and write freely about my life and what’s happened, and dare I think I might help someone else along the way. I need to keep a focus on the positive and realise the good I’m doing for myself by freeing up the writer inside, the ‘inner writer’ who wants to discuss everything she possibly can cover and really cares about.
If we come from a false place how can we possibly focus on connecting through one another and share our experiences? If we focus on the negative we become the negative, and the same is true for the positive. We are both the student and the teacher in life, but if you’re not open to that, your journey will be short and pointless. Open yourself to the universe and God, and literally anything can happen.
I never thought that people would accept me as someone with something important to say, to help others understand the things in life that are so vital. I’m ready to accept that my role belongs to God, and it’s what God says that’s important because He knows me and knows what’s best for me. It easy to know exactly what’s going to happen to us along the way, or even to know ourselves. If we get things right, we’ll keep evolving along the way. That’s why God is our guide, He made us and has seen what can become if we surrender to Him, trusting Him with our journey. Have you ever heard the saying ‘Hope for the best and plan for the worst’?
I’m typing away at the speed of light here; do you think writer’s block occurs not when we run out of material (for our lives are material) but when we try to stop that person within us from speaking from the heart, as one person to another?I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, so please feel free to write in the comments below. This is in response to Day 5 of Writing 101, ‘Hook ’em with a quote’, and I’ve picked the place to find the ultimate quote – the Bible (always pick the best for you) Done and done my friends.