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It’s the Muslims Who Suffer

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There’s a sombre mood in Paris at the moment, where it’s a time to reflect on the deliberate and calculated murders that occurred there on Friday night. We won’t know the full death toll for a while as there are many people who are critically injured, so the eventual number of the dead is guaranteed to rise. It’s an awful situation that has seen reactions from around the world, with most countries showing their solidarity by flying the French flag in tribute and defiance. The ‘Islamic State’ has claimed responsibility for the blatant attacks on innocent concert goers, restaurant patrons and those just out for a good time at the football.

Are any of us who have been watching the unfolding events really surprised that these Islamic extremists have finally struck at the western world? This has been their agenda all along, to strike at the godless heathens in the west. They planned these attacks with care and precision, so their cause would be spread across the world, and the consequence is that the violence has landed in our backyard. Suddenly, the Death Cult has re-entered our minds, with politicians promising action and re-examining the role of their part in stopping any further carnage, but is it all just a little too late? Up until now, the war in Syria has been acceptable in our minds. People have lost their lives on a daily basis in Syria for years, been tortured and raped, and so far it has been acceptable because it hasn’t happened to us. People have been forced to flee their homes with their families, across the seas to face hostile countries who refuse to take them in on compassionate grounds, and it has been acceptable.

How has the situation changed? Short answer is that hasn’t, except for the location of the attacks nothing has changed. We still have the same evil to fight, the same people are controlling those who are blinded enough to accept this extremist view of the Muslim religion, but they have perverted it beyond recognition for their own purposes. The war in Syria will go on, people will continue to be killed and have to flee their homes, but this latest development has suddenly forced the issue of terrorist acts being committed in Europe to the forefront of everyone’s mind. I wonder, now that the latest victims of the Islamic State’s attacks are mostly white Parisians, will that force the west to consider that these radicals aren’t going to leave, or give up their cause, and we will at some point have to deal with them?

While you’re praying for the 129 (so far) people who died on Friday through no fault of their own except that they were enjoying an evening out, will you pray for the many Muslims who have died as well? Will you understand that this is what they have been facing for years? The Muslim faith is being perverted, and the west believes that every Muslim is at heart a desperate criminal who will stop at nothing to help the Death Cult and kill every westerner they can. There are calls for even more rules in regards to refugee status, because there was the discovery of one of the terrorists having that status, and travelling all the way across the ocean just to die at his own hand for glory and martyrdom. What are the chances of a refugee from war torn lands just happens to be a radicalised Muslim? Probably about the same as a Christian who travels to Jerusalem in the Middle Ages and murders those who have a different faith, and do it all in the name of God.

There are so many issues that we must face in regards to the atrocities that are happening around the world, and I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I can recognise the fears that are controlling the reluctance to help our fellow man by taking in the refugees from Syria and its surrounding regions, and the reluctance to accept our part in a world that has just woken up to the fact that tragedies can happen anywhere. Europe now has to realise that they may be facing a situation in which the victims are their own countrymen and women. Western leaders have stood by, content with watching the horrors committed by extremist groups because they don’t consider this to be a world-wide problem, and that in itself becomes a problem when millions of people need our help to survive. All the refugees want to do is build a new life in a completely foreign country, and have the opportunity to practice their own customs, but it’s a daunting prospect when our views about them have been tainted with Christian based propaganda. This has been spouted by those who don’t seem to understand that the vast majority of Muslims are shocked and bewildered at the behaviour of these radicalised groups who are using religion for their own ends.  This is not just a problem restricted to Syria, this a global problem, and we must have compassion and respect. When human beings in another part of the world suffer, then it trickles through across the globe and we all suffer in one way or another.

I’d like to take a moment to remember the lives lost of every human being who has suffered at the hands of the terrorists.

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I’ve been nominated for a Blogger Recognition Award

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It’s my second Award, which is truly amazing and I appreciate it immensely. I’ve discovered that blogging is not only about writing and posting, but about interacting with others, and I really do enjoy commenting on other blogs (even if the authors don’t like it). I’ve met some insightful, clever people whose posts make me smile, laugh, nod in appreciation or even get me commenting out loud (which isn’t hard as I have entire conversations with myself, it’s much easier to argue if I know what the other person’s going to say). I primarily started writing this blog for myself, not even my mother has read it (she wouldn’t have a clue how to use a computer because she’s technologically challenged, besides I wouldn’t want her to read it because I’ve mentioned her and posted an unflattering photo of her), however I am the first to acknowledge that having people like, comment, or follow a post is heartening and the way socialisation seems to be going in the 21st century. Just writing in itself makes me happy, but the people I’ve met so far fast becoming an essential aspect of my life.

I accept this award with gratitude, so thanks for thinking of me Wandering Soul, for making me strive to be a better writer, and human being. Wandering Soul, who nominated me for this award, is a funny yet insightful blogger who writes from her own personal experience, and she likes cats (what that isn’t important?). She often makes my day by her comments, and of course I highly recommend you visit her blog, even though she’s as mad as a hatter (it’s an expression, I don’t really have anything against milliners so please don’t send me angry emails).

On to the Rules of the Blogger Recognition Award Rules…

  1. Select 15 other blogs you want to give the award to. I’ve amended it to 10 because if I didn’t, I would still be writing and I would never get this post out!
  2. You cannot nominate yourself or the person who has nominated you. Clearly I would nominate Wandering Soul if I could, but I can’t which is a shame since I know she’d make a valuable addition to the dinner table, and she’s such a lovely person I’m sure she’d bring a dish, and even offer to do the washing up, which of course I would refuse because I have some manners at least.
  3. Write a post to show your award.
  4. Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  5. Give a piece of advice or two to new bloggers.
  6. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  7. Attach the award badge to the post (right click and save, then upload.)
  8. Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them
  9. Provide a link to the original post on Edge of the Night

How this all started

I think every writer has a compulsion to write, I don’t believe you can write if your half-hearted about it. I’m writing because I can’t not write, about everything that comes into my head, whether it’s funny, or sad, or just my opinion. I only ask people to consider what I write, hence the name of this blog, and really think about what’s going on in the world.

Advice, warranted or not!

I would say write from the experiences in your life, write from that place inside that wants to be heard because your voice is unique. Also take the Writing and Blogging courses because you will meet some truly amazing people to interact with, and form friendships which I never expected from starting a blog. These people will support you and make you grown as a human being, and make you formulate your own way of writing and blogging, so it’s mutual benefits all round.

Nominees

I’ve selected the people I would like to have in my home, around the dinner table, and have lively conversation with as their points of view make me think about why I’m blogging in the first place.

  1. The Personal Blog of Henry Jones – I really like Henry, he’s a lovely guy who really gives back to Blogging 101 by helping in any way he can. He writes a news blog, and as I write this he’s summarised the attacks in France. His digest of news is well-written and thought provoking, and you’ll find my comment at the end. Watch out for this one, as he’s going to do something extraordinary with his life. No pressure Henry!
  2. Mirrorgirl – She writes an extremely insightful and introspective blog about all things psychology, which of course is one of my favourite subjects. Go to her blog, or feel guilty. Sorry, a little bad psychology humour.
  3. Afthead is a truly versatile blogger, who write about being a mom (American spelling), a wife, but also about her everyday thoughts and happenings. Her wit and sense of humour will have you hitting the Follow button before you even know you’re doing it!
  4. What Sandra Thinks – I’m just getting to know Sandra, but already she’s offered her help in a little project I’m working on, right out of the blue, which being the sane person I am, I have gladly accepted. She writes a blog that has me laughing out loud, her latest discourse on the word f**k is pure hilarity, and I’m not even that into swearing.
  5. Spiritual Dragonfly – focuses on all things natural and spiritual, living for herself in the present. She doesn’t like labels, but that’s the point of this award, to define the people one admires, and Linda’s attitude to simple being, and enjoying the cosmic journey we’re all on has definitely made her blog worth a read.
  6. Freud and Fashion – I know what you’re thinking, how on earth can you combine Sigmund Freud (Siggy to his mates) and Fashion? When you’re a psychiatrist of course! No, that’s not a joke. This young woman has introspection all sewed up, she combs through the ins and outs of psychiatry with humour and self-criticism, and as a psychology student I can say with confidence that I wish she be cloned. A fascinating insight into the world of medicine and helping people, and to balance it out fashion. She’s the best looking psychiatrist in America. Not only that, she gives away free tips!
  7. Living, Learning and Letting Go – Karuna has lived in many places around the world, finally settling in Seattle with her husband but she makes sure she heads to India when she needs a spiritual recharge. She’s had several incarnations (ok I’m using a pun there) in her life, after working out her past in therapy, Karuna decided to go back to study after working in Nursing, and specialised in psychiatric nursing and finally started her own psychotherapy centre and website. Wow that was a mouthful! She’s dedicated to helping others, and giving back, and writes about her experiences.
  8. Dr Meg Sorick – has a cure for the reading blues (couldn’t help myself on that one), by offering wonderful poetry, her book series which is available on Amazon. She’s well known as a really lovely, caring woman who would probably give you the shirt off her back if asked. She has an appealing way of writing, so I suggest you Follow my, well, suggestion and take a look.
  9. Life Home and Away – She writes about a number of topics close to her heart, including motherhood, politics, and interesting little bits of fiction. She describes herself as a ‘non-biased writer’, as she reviews the news. Worth a read and a Follow.
  10. Kinneretstern – she discusses everything arty, taking a look at many different genres into consideration, but also writes about other influences in her life, including in her words ‘literature, film analysis, psychology, forensic psychology, faerie tale analysis, cognitive therapy, cognitive linguistics, classical theatre, World War II, and Russian and British history so there’s definitely something for everyone. Kinneret is also writing a novel, describing it as a kind of American Gothic, and produces these fascinating little cartoons which provided her with an introspective view into her depression, which she reports has resolved itself.
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Today is World Diabetes Day!

Well today’s the day we diabetics get our own day, so let me say HOORAY! Ok that’s a bit much, for diabetes is an insidious disease that can have far reaching consequences. I thought that today is MY day, I would give you all a lecture about how to live your life to prevent type 2 diabetes. 1 in 4 people will develop diabetes in their life, that’s a fact. Trust me from my personal experience that it’s definitely not a good way to live your life for it impacts it with everything you do, and there’s no escape once diagnosis is achieved, except if you have gestational diabetes, and even then sometimes it will stay on in your body. Diabetes has an impact on every cell in your body, so listen to Aunty Emily and pay attention.

Essentially, diabetes is a condition where the body cannot produce insulin, which transports the sugar you eat across from your bloodstream to your muscles to be used as energy. The symptoms include;

  1. Excessive weight loss over a short period of time (months).
  2. Unexplained weight gain (type 2)
  3. Excessive thirst (I was drinking up to 3 litres per day at the time of my diagnosis).
  4. Constant hunger that normal eating won’t satisfy (not I get up in the middle of the night and eat my sister’s chocolate bar that she thought I didn’t know she had).
  5. Passing a lot of urine (I practically lived on the toilet).
  6. Feeling lethargic (not ‘I just want a sleep-in because it’s the weekend’).
  7. Having cuts or wounds that refuse to heal.
  8. Blurred vision.
  9. Mood swings (I was ropeable apparently around the time of diagnosis).
  10. Headaches, dizziness, leg cramps.

I’m going to tell you you some of my story. Not all of it, because it’s been nearly 29 years, and there a lot of things I can say, but I think this will do for now. Talking about this is so very difficult for me, but I think the least I can do is try and tell you why I’m so passionate about diabetes prevention. It’s had an impact on my life that’s across the board, I have to monitor myself constantly, and be ever vigilant. I’m having 5 injections a day, and up to 5 blood tests where I have to use a small device, a bit like a trigger, where I press a button to release the spring-loaded mechanism, and it hurts. The injections aren’t too hard to perform, but I still find myself wincing even though I’ve had countless amounts. My everyday life has really hard because I started developing complications when I was 18 years old, because they start showing up about 8 years after diagnosis. I’ll get to that in a moment. I was ostracised at school because I was treated specially as I have things called hypos, in which there’s too much insulin in my body and I need sugar fast, or I can go into a coma fairly quickly. Many a diabetic has been taken for a drunk when this happens, as you lose your motor functions, making it hard to talk without slurring your voice, and very difficult to even attempt walking properly. I have to watch what I eat, as it’s even more important for me to get essential vitamins and nutrients, have low fat foods, and stay away from high sugar items like most cakes and sweets because they can make me go into the opposite of a hypo called hyperglycaemia. This can also put me into a coma, but this time it’s too much sugar or glucose in the blood, and I’ll experience the symptoms I’ve listed above. Anything can upset my sugar levels, from being ill to stress and the depression which has resulted from having diabetes, but that’s fairly common with us. I’ve now managed to tick almost all the complication boxes, so here’s a handy reference about what diabetes can do if you can’t control it;

  • Blindness – I have background retinopathy, which results from pressure building up at the back of the eye in the tiny blood cells that break, causing the vion to b obscured. So far my eyesight is only blurry, but part of that is due to the cateract that’s in my left eye which I developed because of, you guessed it, the diabetes.
  • Kidney problems – my kidney function is impaired, but it’s holding for now. The biggest cause of kidney failure is diabetes.
  • Amputee – I had an accident 7 years ago where I broke my Fibula and Tibea by falling over. The bones couldn’t heal, so eventually I developed gangrene and my right leg was taken from below the knee. I was so annoyed because it was my driving leg, I thought if my horse was going to step on my foot and cause me to lose my balance, then the least thing would be to have it be my left leg!
  • Gastroparesis – I can’t digest food.
  • Lack of saliva, causing me to lose all my teeth, which is just so attractive when you’re 38 and female, and I’m still in the process of having them removed.
  • Peripheral Neuropathy, an incredibly painful condition in the hands and feet where the nervous system is basically dying so there’s a lot of numbness, but perversely is also the opposite, where the nerves are sending signals and there is a a whole communication problems so the nerves are trying to be heard. Typing isn’t fun, nor is anything that demands touch, as the nerves will fire at random. Only Methadone can touch it, and I refuse because I’ve been there, done that, and I will not live my life drugged up to the eyeballs. So there!
  • Hypothyroidism – also known as an underactive thyroid, which makes me put on weight easily.
  • Sinus Tachycardia – in real language, a fast heart rate.
  • High blood pressure.

Now that I’ve scared you all to death, I must stress that this is diabetes has developed in me, in my body. I’m like this way because of the nature of my family situation, when I was growing up I had a emotionally abusive father, and was producing a large amount of cortisol (adrenaline). That causes sugar levels to go very high, and it’s prolonged high levels that do the damage. Diabetes can be controlled in a normal environment, but every effort has to be made to support the person in question.  Family and friends play a key role in ensuring the person has all the tools available to help manage their diabetes. There are definitely diabetics walking around who’ve been type 1 for 50 plus years, but they’re the lucky ones. There is actually an organisation in Australia who give out a medal to type 1 who been diagnosed for 50 years. Yes that’s right, a medal, and I’m going to do my best to get one! So how/why/when can you get it? You are considered ‘At Risk’ if you;

  1. Have someone in your family who has type 2 diabetes. It’s hereditary, in the genetics, so at least you’ll have someone to blame, unlike me as I have type 1 which I developed when I was 10 years old. Experts simply don’t know what causes the T cells in the immune system to suddenly attack the islets in the pancreas, but they’re constantly looking for the answer, and many promising studies are being conducted right now, but they need time.
  2. If you are inactive, overweight, eating unhealthy foods (such as high sugar and fat content), this is why countries like America and Britain have high incidences of diabetes.
  3. If you have high blood pressure, heart disease or high cholesterol.

If you have one or more of these things, there is a risk assessment tool that you can use, please go here, but also see your doctor if you’re concerned.

Now that’s quite scary when a lot of people are at risk, but guess what? Type 2 is preventable! That makes it all the more distressing, when you realise that such a prevalent disease is so very preventable. There’s a lot of support out there for people trying to reduce their risk of getting diabetes, and if I could possibly identify someone who could be at risk, I’d be there with bells on. Plus, every other kind of decoration available. If you believe you or a friend has problems with any of the above symptomology, share this article, and use the above tool It could save your life. If you have these symptoms and are concerned about it, please see your doctor as soon as possible. I’m not a health professional, I just happen to know my foe extremely well.

What are the positive things you can do to prevent type 2 diabetes? I’m afraid it’s the usual, exercise, and a healthy diet. It’s so important for your general health, let alone diabetes prevention. Your risk of major and minor health problems is dictated by what you eat and how you manage your exercise, it really comes down to that in the long run. I know nowadays there are a lot of people who are dealing with stress, a sedentary lifestyle because their job requires them to be behind a desk all day, and bad eating habits in a world that seems to have little time for anything. I urge you to make the choice to look after yourself, remember you’re going to have that body for your entire life, so it’s slightly difficult to trade in and get a new one. If it were possible, I’d have been there, again with the bells on, waiting whatever time necessary in order to get the tickets, and I’m sure my parents would have paid any price at all to take it from me.

This article was not to upset or depress you, rather to get you to contemplate the causes and prevention of diabetes. If you’re at risk, I want you to consider the future, not only for yourself but the ramifications of what would happen to your family in that situation. There are many type 2’s wandering around without knowing they’re diabetic at all, and unfortunately it’s in those early stages that the damage is done to your body, so prevention is a far better option than a cure that I do not believe I will see in my life time. My life is still rich and complex, as I’m at the stage where I love my existence, despite my problems or perhaps because of it.

If you’d like further information, go to Diabetes Australia or have a look at the Diabetes Australia Victoria. If you’re a newly diagnosed diabetic or the friend or family member of a diabetic I’ve provided a link to Diabetes Counselling Online, a site and service set up by a diabetic who saw the need for it.

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Change of Scene

I was quite happy and content until a promise of my own banner was dangled in front of me by Blogging 101. Day five asks you to consider (and that’s what I try to do) looking at another theme, even if you are happy with the one you currently have, and obviously that thought has been sitting in the back of my mind, niggling away until I payed it attention. I was happy with my theme, but then I saw what the header looked like in that theme, and decided I’d need something that showed it off a bit more. To that end, I’ve compiled an extensive and completely irrelevant poll (you can blame that on Blogging 101 also) just because I can. I suspect I’m going to do a lot of polls in the future, but of course you don’t have to do them. Enjoy!

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Let’s have some fun

I’ve been quite serious lately, and that’s not usually how I relate to people as I can be extremely silly at times, and I hope I find the humour in every situation for the rest of my life. In that spirit, I’d like to share a few stories with you (I heard the collective groan there!).

I was travelling along with my parents in our car, on what can only be described as a large road along a straight stretch in the middle of Queensland. A dusty plane lay before us, with nothing to draw the eye except the sour green of the cactus pears, when we caught site of a house. The silence stretched out but no-one had anything to say. Nothing was out of the ordinary, until we spotted a sign in front of the property, on which was written;

Hot Chips and Budgies $8

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My father suddenly exclaimed ‘Wow, what a deal!’

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The Liebster Award

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On Sunday night I received a post by email from WanderingSoul2015, who nominated me for a Liebster Award. I’m sorry that I haven’t posted until now, but I wanted to combine my thanks, questions to answer, and questions that I’ve come up with for my lucky nominees.

This is what I initially wrote.

I’m quite shocked at the moment because I’ve been nominated for a Liebster Award by Wanderingsoul2015, and I’d like to thank them very much for the honour. It does appear that I’ve reached someone so that makes the blogging worthwhile, and will help me strive all that much harder to produce things that are up to my own standards. I’m doing Blogging 101 and Writing 101, just to hone my skills a bit (or maybe a lot). This blog was started back in September, so it’s lovely to get an award for new bloggers. The funny thing is, I did see this post in my reader, but didn’t look at it because I’ve been busy with my new site The Cyberhug Awards (quick plug), and I was busy awarding Wanderingsoul2015 for a hug because they write such a positive blog! Amazing coincidence (or is it?).

Liebster Award Answers to WanderingSoul’s questions

  • If you had one superpower, what would it be? The ability to change into an animal whenever I wanted. I could fly, swim, jump, run, walk – I’m assuming of course that I’d have two whole legs if I changed, otherwise that would defeat the purpose wouldn’t it? Sorry just a little amputee humour there.
  • What incident (or thought or experience) first prompted you to write? I was reading an online magazine (The Mighty) when I came across an article by Kimberly Zapata (sunshineandspoiltmilk.com) about depression and the effect it’s having on her family. I immediately connected with what she had to say because I’ve had depression for the last decade, so I know firsthand what it’s like. I thought ‘I can write about myself’, my interests, and the problems I’m facing kind of like an online therapy session. I’ve been writing since I was small, and have always wanted a blog, and now seemed as good a time as any.
  • What is the one thing that you want and the one thing you do not want (from your writing)? I want to help people think about their lives, to explore topics that are difficult because I’m at the stage where I believe I can provide some insight into the kind of things I can relate in my own experiences. I don’t want to focus on anything trivial (although I can be really silly), and unimportant in my life.
  • Which is your favourite book and why (or how it influenced you)? Wow, that’s really hard to pin down! I love many books, but I’m re-reading ‘The Colour Purple’ by Alice Walker, and it’s taught me that you can waste your life bowing to the whims of other people, or you can make changes and start to live your life right now, this very instant. Regret solves nothing, you must take charge of your life, because if you put it off you’re wasting a very precious gift. That’s also why I’m writing my blog, because I’m attempting to make up for years of apathy and negativity.
  • Who is your favourite author and one book written by them that you would like to recommend? See above.
  • What is your criteria for an “ideal write-up/article”? I have to write about the things I find most difficult to write about, or it isn’t worth my while. I have to fulfil the criteria I set for myself when I started this blog in September, namely that I admit to myself about the difficulties I’m facing in my life, my health, happiness, a bit like an online therapy session.
  • What is the one thing that you have learnt from other bloggers and/or their blogs? How amazing human beings can be, and the beauty of their spirits. A lot of these people are inspiring me on a daily basis to be a better person.
  • What article (or post) affected or influenced you most? I’ve read a lot of people’s blogs, covering many diverse topics, so it’s extremely hard to narrow it down, but I guess since a post made me start this blog, I have to refer again to a blog by Kimberly Zapata, who wrote ‘An Open Letter to Those Affected by My Depression’ and made me believe that I could write as well.
  • What is the one piece of advice you would like to give to fellow bloggers? Take a risk and write about what you want to write about. It’s your life and your blog, so write whatever comes into your head and your mind will thank you (possibly on a subliminal level).

RULES (and we all need them)

  • Once you are nominated, make a post thanking and linking the person who nominated you.
  • Include the Liebster Award sticker in the post too.
  • Nominate 5 -10 other bloggers who you feel are worthy of this award. Let them know they have been nominated by commenting on one of their posts. You can also nominate the person who nominated you.
  • Lastly, COPY these rules in the post.

My Nominees

  1. Wanderingsoul2015
  2. mygroovylittlesoul
  3. blabberwockying!
  4. Kathy
  5. lifehomeandaway

I’ve been rumination over appropriate questions for these worthy nominees and came up with these (if they so desire, WanderingSoul2015 has my permission to duck out of answering on the grounds they’ve been answering a few of them lately!).

  1. What’s the biggest event in your life so far, and how has it affected you?
  2. When did you start writing?
  3. How much of an influence has blogging had on your life?
  4. What’s the most important post you’ve done?
  5. What’s your favourite subject to cover in a post?

I’ll leave it at that, as I know you’ve all got more important things to do (like blogging!). I look forward to your answers when you can do them.

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Learning To Be Patient

I’ve been having quite a few ‘aha’ moments lately, I’ve realised that there are forces in the universe that are working very hard to lead me to a safer, more productive and happier place in my life. This wouldn’t have been possible even just a year ago, because I wasn’t ready to listen and learn from something far bigger than myself. I was arrogant, closed and afraid of life and other people; it was the more negative emotions that were controlling my life. Anger, feels good at the time, but regret will come quickly and it’s a bit hard to take back the devastating words that tend to come out. The catch is, of course, the effect it has on us in our day to day experiences; if you let anger through, you will tend to find it will own you.

I certainly don’t have all the answers, in fact far from it. I’m struggling with what God is trying to teach me: but that’s ok, it may take time but the concepts I’m trying to grasp are life-changing and I know whatever time I have left on this earth I will continue to develop as God guides me. There is a time and place for everything; this is promised to us, so whatever your journey however short I believe the answers will come when we die. Some things we simply aren’t meant to know, and I think comfort can be derived from that.

I was led to start writing again after years of silence, I know I clammed up and became quite insecure about what I wrote, who to and why. Especially what I wrote, because I’ve always been a very harsh critic and judgemental about every single sentence. I’m still that way, my aim for the start of writing this blog was to write about the impact my diabetes has had on my life but even though I’ve taken a pseudonym I’m finding that every time I post something, the anxiousness will well up and I’m waiting for the critism. It’s not the way to think, I fully understand that, but now I can see the way forward.

The answer is in letting go, I need to care more about my feelings and thoughts. Your opinion and good will is important, I certainly don’t want to hurt anyone or cause them problems. This is my story however, my chance to fulfil my own promise to myself and write freely about my life and what’s happened, and dare I think I might help someone else along the way. I need to keep a focus on the positive and realise the good I’m doing for myself by freeing up the writer inside, the ‘inner writer’ who wants to discuss everything she possibly can cover and really cares about.

If we come from a false place how can we possibly focus on connecting through one another and share our experiences? If we focus on the negative we become the negative, and the same is true for the positive.  We are both the student and the teacher in life, but if you’re not open to that, your journey will be short and pointless. Open yourself to the universe and God, and literally anything can happen.

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I never thought that people would accept me as someone with something important to say, to help others understand the things in life that are so vital. I’m ready to accept that my role belongs to God, and it’s what God says that’s important because He knows me and knows what’s best for me. It easy to know exactly what’s going to happen to us along the way, or even to know ourselves. If we get things right, we’ll keep evolving along the way. That’s why God is our guide, He made us and has seen what can become if we surrender to Him, trusting Him with our journey. Have you ever heard the saying ‘Hope for the best and plan for the worst’?

I’m typing away at the speed of light here; do you think writer’s block occurs not when we run out of material (for our lives are material) but when we try to stop that person within us from speaking from the heart, as one person to another?I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, so please feel free to write in the comments below. This is in response to Day 5 of Writing 101, ‘Hook ’em with a quote’, and I’ve picked the place to find the ultimate quote – the Bible (always pick the best for you) Done and done my friends.

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The Power of Change

This post is in response to the Vexing Point. prompt “The Power of Change’. This no ordinary response to a prompt however. It contains information on a subject that’s very dear to my heart – horses.

It’s funny when God comes along and decides to give you a big push to let you know that there’s something you’re not doing quite right and He’s watching so you’d better get on and fix it or else he’s going to be a source of annoyance for a very long time. That’s what happened to me tonight when this popped into my inbox, so when that happens (and it happens all the time) I usually get straight down to work. I don’t like messing with the big guy because he’s usually right (funny about that). I’ve had a particular thought going through my head, and especially this week as it was the Melbourne Cup on Tuesday, an international race where people come from around the world to participate in, be they celebrities, owners, jockeys and racegoers in general.

I was born with the ability to train horses, to work with them in harmony and partnership, to call them my friends. When I was 12, I finally had the opportunity to live on a property in Toowoomba, Qld, and have my own horse which was thrilling, and what I wanted to do was dressage. Dressage comes from the French which means ‘to train’ and is considered one of the most difficult things to accomplish because the concentration and the discipline involved can be intense. To me, my horses had to be happy and relaxed in their work so to that end, I never stabled them even during competition season, mainly because horses are naturally grazers and if they stand around in a box all day, they develop ‘behavioural’ problems and I simply can’t stand to see an unhappy horse. So I’d much rather do all the extra preparatory work before a competition.

I also wouldn’t push a horse to do any more work or a higher level of dressage than I think they could handle, and I certainly would not attempt to make a young horse do either as they don’t fully develop until 5 years old, that’s when all the bones are grown, the nervous system is grown, and they can handle more work. There’s a rule in Dressage that you can’t compete in Grand Prix (think the Olympics where the horse sort of dances across an arena, not the car race).

Consider the life of the racehorse. This highly fit athlete is subjected to 23 out of 24 hours a day in a box that’s often not even big enough to swing a large moggie in. They only see the light of day when they’re exercised early in the morning out on the track, then walked to cool them down because they are such delicate creatures if you put them away without the walk, they will seize up and develop colic. Often they’re taken from their mums early, and raced when they’re 2 years old. Mares are forced to stand for stallions literally only weeks after giving birth, this acheived by altering the mare’s body clock by artificial means, and I believe I know what that forced mating would be called if it were to happen to a woman.

Horses are killed every day during a race because often they break down, and sent to a knackery instead of being given the opportunity to have an operation. That only happens to the famous horses. The Melbourne Cup has a grim and not-discussed past of horses having to be put down on the famous Flemington Racecourse itself. They will frequently break a bone in their foot or leg, and they’re often not afforded the luxury of retirement because the racehorse industry doesn’t have a retirement plan for the animals that provide them with their money. Horses like that don’t have an option, they’re referred to as ‘wastage’ which is a kinder term than ‘dog meat’.

I’ve personally bought 2 racehorses off the track so I know what they’re like when given the freedom of a paddock. They stick close to the house yard, wishing for human company, because at that point they’re more used to us than they are their own species. They stand almost unnaturally obediently to be groomed and saddled up, and sometimes they require a fair bit of retraining in the art of eating their food, because that’s one of the few pleasures they have, and can stuff down their food in odd ways. They haven’t had the privilege of grazing with other horses, which is paramount as horses are social creatures, and will live in the wild in herds with a hierachy.

The not-for-profit-charity Coalition for the Protection of Racehorses has an ingenious solution to the problems that horses face if they’re born a thoroughbred. They’re suggesting that

A 1% betting levy would result in $143 million annually being given back to racehorses, thus sharing the riches from the ‘Sport of Kings.’ – See more here

Just 1%. Surely we can effect change and save our beloved horses? It’s so important to stop the abuse and killing of theses wonderful animals that give people so much pleasure. The premises are:

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  • A reduction in breeding, with stallion breeding caps and improved stallion and broodmare selection
  • A 1% levy on all betting turnover to raise the bulk of the funding
  • A 1% levy on prizemoney to assist with raising funds
  • A foal registration levy to reduce indiscriminate breeding
  • A re-homing incentive scheme to encourage current owners and trainers to re-home their horses
  • A rehabilitation/retraining/re-homing model to increase the popularity of thoroughbreds after their racing lives
  • An immediate $10 million injection into existing racehorse re-homing organisations to increase their current capacities.

So my answer to the statement ‘If you had the power to change something you would change…’ the unnecessary death of the horses I love, the animals who have given me so much and asked for so little. I want to see themm roaming a paddock, or being ridden by someone who love them as much as I do. Let’s try and look after these beautiful, inspiring and evocative animals. As the old saying goes ‘Let a horse be a horse’.

For more information on how you can help click HERE.

Please SHARE this post to every service you can to help get the word out.

This photo is of my mother feeding my thoroughbred ex-racehorse ‘Count’ an illicit piece of licorice.

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Secrets and Lies

Today is day four of Writing 101, and I’m going to take liberties here and combine yesterday’s single word assingment and the photo challenge for today. If I can do things the lasy way then I will. This kind of writing is another depature for me, I set myself a cetain amount of time and just wrote whatever came into my head, and I haven’t even looked at it to be honest.

Update; I just discovered the Writing 101 assignment is to write a letter to someone you want to let know about something, so I think it’s obvious who I would be referring to by name. I promise you I wouldn’t break this news to him via the internet, however he’s simply not interested in reading my blog, so I can publish this without fear.

He doesn’t know how I’m seriously contemplating leaving him. I’ve imagined what it will be like away from him and all I imagine is a sense of release and freedom. I’ve been someone that I’m not due to things beyond my control, and now everything about him leaves me cold. He thinks he doesn’t know how I feel but how can he not notice my mono-syllabic answers to the endless questions that come from him because he doesn’t think, and he doesn’t possess any common sense whatsoever.

It’s not just that however. No self-esteem makes him crave my love and affection like a starving child and he is a child really. He looks to me for everything, and I wish he would have the courage to have an original thought. I’ve tried to include him before on the things that interest me, but he doesn’t make any comment out of non interest and apathy. He only wants to talk about himself and he’s suffocating me slowly. I can’t believe that I chose this boy as my partner as the sames are superficial but the differences go all the way to the bone. He actually thinks so very little of himself that he will take anyone who will take care of him, he will listen to all my advice and talk animatedly about it but takes none of it. There is no purpose, no structure to his life and I’m so very disappointed as I do value me although I can’t recognise the person I am because things have changed for me.

I will not swallow the person I am anymore because this is my life and I refuse to live in the conditions I am. He doesn’t have any standards, so little care for our daily life that anything is good enough for him, that’s ok if he wants it but not for me. I want to go back to university and outwardly he’s fairly sanguine about it saying ‘you need intellectual stimulation’. Has he only just learned that? Hasn’t he known what I need? I know he wants me to take care of his business for him but that’s a monumental task as in four years he’s never saved money, kept records of what he’s earned or spent, he lets money slip out of his fingers and now he has the absolute hide to tell me he spends a lot of his time getting me to all the various doctors I need to govern my life and then he says ‘It’s not your fault’. I know it’s not my fault and how dare he infer by his first statement that I’m responsible for this?

I can’t believe that I didn’t see this coming because I’m supposed to be intelligent, street-smart, a capable woman mentally and emotionally but since we moved here in I’ve lost myself and become weak and frail, too sick to know or care about my treatment at his hands. I feel ashamed that I let things go so far and accepted abuse instead of love and he thinks I’m going to be satisfied with that. He doesn’t know that I’m beginning to have a lot of contempt at the things he says, the things he does to please me because he fears I will leave. I will leave and deep down he knows it, so predictably he’s doing all the things he should have done when we moved in here for he knew my frailness (and how I despise it) means I can’t do housework as I disappear in a world of pain.

The most simple of things he cannot do for me. He can’t bring me a cup of tea without prompting by me, he doesn’t think to ever ask me. He doesn’t ask me about my day and my interests but launches into a monologue about his day. He tells me he can’t take this job or that one because ‘If I go over time, I won’t be able to get you dinner’. He uses me as his excuse not to try at anything and I resent it deeply.

I know what his friends will think of me, I will be judged and called ‘that bitch’ and there will be endless hours of discussion on who saw it coming and who was flabbergasted. They will speculate on how I can leave such a wonderful person, and say ‘She doesn’t know what she’s missing mate’, nodding sagely over their beers but that’s not true. I do know what I’ll be missing and I’m glad about it. I will be living alone but I’d rather do that then live in a toxic relationship where I come out the loser.

I have to put aside my ethics about lying and keep all this a secret for the time being because I need to plan my escape, and tell him when I have things organised. I know I’ll have to sell my beloved car and I find myself resenting having to do that, but I need the money to move. He’s spent all my savings so I’m at a severe disadvantage and I know I won’t ever get that back. I don’t understand how he can be so desperately irresponsible so that I have to pay the bills out of my meagre pension, he should be helping me out, and he honestly thinks that helping me out with the shopping is good enough, and it’s simply not, not by a long shot. At best it’s condescending and at worst it’s neglect because I have to put money in our bills account as I don’t want money to be withdrawn and put the account into debit. How on earth would he ever live without me because he’s getting discounts because of me so how would he survive? I know the answer to that, he’ll go back to his parents so they can take care of him, and they’re welcome to him. If they think they’ve brought him up properly they’re sadly mistaken as I’m the one who’s had to do everything for him, I ‘ve organised the move, the rent, insurance, got him an insurance broker, told him about every facet of life on your own but I’m not going to be his mother anymore.

Yesterday he made a desperate attempt to please me, he started doing the things that I’ve been needing him to do around the house that I’ve been wanting him to do for many months, but it didn’t earn any points with me. I’m sure he’s only done it because he’s noticed the change in me lately, that I don’t hand out advice any more, I don’t cuddle him or attempt to talk about myself and he’s frightened I’ll leave him. All he’s doing is driving me away by his compliance because I’m sure he doing it for all the wrong reasons, not that he loves me but because he fears losing me. Lately he’s started to tell me that I’m right, he pauses to consider my words carefully and says ‘You’re right, you’re right’ but I know he’s not really listening to me, he’s just trying to please me and that’s the last thing I want.

I have to leave.

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I like, I’ve Lost, I’ve Learned

In response to Writing 101 assignment day two: As this a writing exercise, I decided it would be prudent to change my writing skills on their head, and just to make it really different for myself and everyone, I’ve lost my head completely and added a photo of a Double Delight rose, which I grew myself, for aesthetic purposes (I don’t even know myself today!).

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I like the world around me, and,
the colours bursting through a poem
my mother’s cat reminds me of
a childhood and a home

I’ve lost my way and cannot find,
my way around for long,
please tell me why the anguish builds
and makes me sing my song

I’ve learned and
in my capricious life
this is the way I’m thinking now
that gets me into strife!

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Who Am I and Why Am I Here? I Write Because…

As I’ve decided to throw my luck in with both Blogging University and Writing 101, I decided to combine the posts and here we are.

I’ll get the biographical stuff out of the way first. My name is Emily and I live in Australia in a beautiful area of Melbourne (who am I kidding it’s all beautiful because it’s Australia and Melbourne has been named the most livable city in the world).

I’m here to learn. It’s important to me to produce the best possible blog that I can for myself and my readers. I joined the esteemed ranks of WordPress at the end of September 2015, and the whole idea was to write mainly for myself, record some memories and really enjoy myself and my writing. So far it’s been thrilling, but stressful and I can’t figure out if that’s a good or bad thing! I think it means I’ve been caring a little too much about what I write, and post. I’ve been wrestling over pieces white-knuckled and pop-eyed very late until the night here, so I asked myself what the original reason for getting a website was…  I adore writing, but I’m unsure of my writing style. Am I funny, sad, serious (God forbid) or practical about my writing? Perhaps all of these things, but one can’t make a website for everything. I don’t think there’s any one good way to write, part of the reason I’m here is to read other people’s blogs because you all have a different writing style, and vastly different things to say. I’ve already read a few of your blogs, and the wonderful diversity came through really well.

What I’ve also realised is that what I write is up to me because it’s my blog, my site and I control what goes on there, so why am I afraid to experiment? When I first started this site, I spent two weeks learning about WordPress, as mainstream as it is, because i’ve forgotten all I learnt at university, I did a year of Information Systems, which comprised of the basics of html, database stuff, and Visual Basic (shudder). I was attempting a Bachelor of Social Science (Psychology), however due to complications of type 1 diabetes I lost my leg below the right knee (Well it was amputated, let’s be honest) so I had to give up uni and learn to live with it. I’m telling you this because I’ve decided to go back to uni and get that degree, although I can’t get recognition for the work I’ve already done but that’s ok, I have time and I know that I need to go over things as it’s been a while.

By now you’ll of course using a pseudonym. I didn’t when I started writing, but as this is an exercise in honesty and making myself write about the things I find most uncomfortable in life I’ve changed everything over to the name of my site, except for my first name which really is Emily. I consider this to be a form of ‘online therapy’ so I will be open about the things that trouble me, so I have to be fairly unapologetic about what I write. If the last month has taught me anything, it’s that I need not be afraid what I write about because people are mostly kind and helpful, as long as you ask for help. My advice to anyone new to blogging would be take risks, play around with your website until you find a theme that suits you and post to your heart’s content, especially on the commons because we’re all here to learn and get the most out of this experience. I’m looking forward to getting to know you, and your blogs.

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Hanging Gardens

This post is taken from Judy Dykstra-Brown’s Post Hanging Gardens in which she writes:

A nursery in Ajijic hung marigolds from a massive tree at its entrance for Dia de los Muertos.  Stunning!

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The humble Marigold has never looked better in my opinion.

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I’m suffering from a crisis of self-worth for the very first time in my life and I don’t like it one bit. I’m second, third and fourth guessing everything I write and can’t seem to post the way I wanted to when I first started this blog. I had every intention to write humorous stories about some of the incidences in my life and instead I’ve been writing sad, depressing stories about me having diabetes. I don’t take myself seriously but lately, how I feel about me has changed. So what happened to change me?

Recently I was trashed on Facebook, and it was the very first time I’ve ever had someone do that to me on the Internet.  Some people might say ‘So what? I get trolled 6 times a day!’. Good for you, but for me it was devastating. My immediate reaction was hurt, then fury, a desire to maim, and back to hurt. Why have I taken this so seriously? I know deep down that what other people think about me has nothing to do with my perception of myself but this has really dented me. She doesn’t know me; I don’t know her so why has this affected me so badly? I know I’m not alone here because social media has changed the way we view and interact with others. I haven’t gone back to Facebook for weeks… which is probably a good thing.  Don’t try this at home kids, it might get interesting.

The Quiz

So how do I know how damaged my self-esteem is by an online quiz ( sounded like a good idea at the time). Unfortunately, the first one froze on me and I immediately assumed it didn’t like me. I’ll get back to that one later because to convince it otherwise. I’ll wait for you BeliefNet!

Next quiz came from Netdoctor which sounds professional, but don’t get too excited yet. It returned the following result:

You have scored 62. (Out of what exactly? I assume 100 but you just don’t know)

What your scoring means

You have quite good self-esteem on the whole (No I don’t. Trust me). But you sometimes fail to believe in yourself enough. (I believe in me, it’s just everyone else that has their doubts). Remember you are a special and unique person (Of course I am, I’m so unique they broke the mould after I was made. That’s because it had diabetes and they wanted to put it out of it’s misery). Many people with your score feel confident in what they do for a living and get a lot of affirmation from that. (Sorry I don’t work, and anyway, it isn’t what I do that gives myself affirmation, it’s supposed to be who I am that does that. Tsk tsk self-worth quiz). It’s important however, to feel good about who you are, not just about what you do. (I do feel good about who I am, er I think I do?) Have a think about this. (Have a think about what in particular? Is there some great truth in this where I simply haven’t picked up the context yet?)

Good heavens, what a load of rubbish! A very simplistic question and multiple choice answer system that really needs to take a bloody good look at itself, and if it doesn’t like the criticism too bad.

On to the next quiz from psychtest and this one was touted as a scientifically viable so it had better impress me with chocolate and flowers. Fair warning psychtest.

Overall Score is 60

Your results indicate that you have relatively high self-esteem (Relatively speaking of course). You recognize your inner value and it shows in your personal life, relationships and career/school success (True, I always like to tell people about my inner value). You exude confidence, and believe enough in yourself to pursue things whole-heartedly. (My pursuits extend to eating and sleeping at the moment). Such a healthy self-esteem likely allows you to handle stress effectively and maintain an overall sense of well-being (Are you serious? I’m so stressed out I can’t think straight). You should value and nurture this quality…it will take you far in life. (Sure, how I feel about myself will get me far away from life with chronic illness, look at me go).

Ten questions and it thinks it knows me? This is supposed to be a scientific test from reputable people. I could have a 5 minute chat with someone and they could find out more than this test did.

On to Queendon.com and this looks more positive. This time there’s a whopping 34 questions (!) which is a bit more comprehensive than the last 2 tests. Some of the questions I had already answered in the Psychtest quiz, but that was fine because I’m at heart essentially a lazy person.

Your score is 69 (Now I’m getting slightly worried, does this mean the tests have been accurate? I’m staggered that this kind of pop psychology could be right).

You generally don’t concern yourself too much about being rejected by others, although it does cross your mind from time to time. (That’s true, people can like or not like me and I’m not too worried because I know what they’re missing out on). However, you don’t really seem to be the type to bend over backwards in order to get and keep other people’s approval – at least not too often. (I’m not and I said I’m not, weren’t you paying attention?) Rejection by the people in your life may very well hurt you and may be something you have experienced before, but you try not to let it affect how you feel about yourself. (Who’s rejecting me and what did they say about me?) Although you likely know this, the only approval you should be worried about is your own. (No, go on, say you enjoyed me being at your website) Moreover, when you respect and approve of yourself, you are more likely to project an image to others that says “I am worthy, and I am have much to offer to someone.” (What was that last bit? Pretty bad mistake on a quiz that’s collecting data. Did I mention the data collecting?)

Tell me you love me (I mean literally)

Now to give myself the love that I clearly need and get some advice.  Hmmm how about some quotes to keep me going?

 

The great thing in the world is not so much to seek happiness as to earn peace and self-respect.

Thomas Huxley

(What is wrong with happiness? It makes me happy to be happy. And who’s this Thomas Huxley when he’s at home anyway? I only follow celebrities because they just get it right all the time).

Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with your self-esteem. They’re no good at all.

Kurt Cobain

(Listen to Kurt, he knows what he’s talking about. This man didn’t just take drugs, the drugs had him. What? He’s dead, he can’t hear me).

 

Cutting people out of my life, does not mean I hate them, it simply means I respect me.

(Now that’s better, that person knows what they’re talking about. Pity that I have absolutely no idea who they are).

What does it all mean?

Self-esteem must come from within us so that we grow and nourish ourselves. It’s dangerous to rely on other people to make us feel good about ourselves, for you will always be disappointed and hurt as people seldom live up to our expectations. It’s easy to accept pats on the back from other people but when they’re not there, you’re left to wilt and slowly starve emotionally. It’s not healthy to rely on anyone for boosts to your self-worth but you know you can rely on you. I’m happy that my image of myself hasn’t changed and it speaks highly of my mother, who obviously built a solid groundwork for me to grow upon. Self-esteem and confidence aren’t to be confused with selfishness, to which the person thinks only of themselves and their own needs, and hardly cares for anyone else’s opinions, wants or needs.

It seems although the person got what they wanted at the time by trashing my profile on Facebook they didn’t actually win in the long run. My core values and beliefs are intact, but as a long time internet user I’m shocked this hasn’t happened before to me. When did we get comfortable with this lack of respect for other people? What makes it right to treat other people badly just because they’re behind the anonymity of a computer screen? Threatened violence towards people on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and other social media seems to becoming the norm, as if it didn’t matter. People believe they can get away treating others in a truly despicable manner when they wouldn’t dare say these things face to face. They should be accountable; however, police don’t seem to know how to cope with online bullying altogether because the laws aren’t in place to effect the more serious offenders. It’s up to us as individuals to reject the idea that saying that threats, trolling, online bullying, and this is all just as unacceptable as it would be to their face. If you’re tempted to attack someone for a comment put yourself in a real life situation and ask yourself ‘Would I say this to them in person?’

Oops, I almost forgot about Beliefnet.com, my first quiz:

Congratulations. You’ve learned the importance of respecting yourself and drawing appropriate boundaries. You are the king or queen of your own castle and a good example to others of what it means to have a high sense of self-esteem.

Maybe I’m stronger than I give myself credit for.

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The epitome of education-based suffering: THE ESSAY! (part 2)

This post works for me, as I’m going back to therapy, I use meditation, and as of next year I’ll be going back to university to do Behavioural Psychology. For me it’s essential to use both psychology and spiritualism however I know that it’s whatever works for you. I’m dealing with a friend who’s suffering a crisis of his self-worth and he doesn’t understand that it’s not me that’s going to get him out of it, it’s him. But then his worth has been measured in the past by his accomplishments, not his intrinsic value as a human being, simply by being born.

and we’re back with part 2! the psychological side of the essay.

So you’ve gotten the brief or notification for the task; you have to write an essay on such and such with all of these criteria that you have to meet, and you’re terrified, or you’re dreading it. Why? What’s there to be scared about? Well let me tell you.

It’s something deep in our psyche that we are scared of.


You’re scared of failure, Rejection, anything that proves to you that ‘you’re not good enough’

Deeply embedded into pretty much of all of us is the fear that we are not good enough and while it may seem a simple concept it can be seriously damaging in the long term. As a core belief, this thought has the power to permeate anything we do and it comes up in situations that require performance especially, essays for example. You can read a little about core beliefs here if you’re interested:

What are core beliefs?

More often than not, we don’t know why we ‘need to be good enough’ or who we need to be good enough for and often we just end up saying “I need to be good enough for this person so I can feel like I’m worth it” or something like that. This is just how we explain it away to ourselves but at the core, what is really happening is we are placing our value in the hands of other people. We are basically creating this spiral:

“If you don’t like something I do, you mustn’t like me, which means other people don’t like me either and I’m not good enough. If I’m not good enough then what’s the point?”

This is, in essence, how our insecurities work. We over-catastrophise small thoughts, events and consequences and they become huge parts of our lives and we lose control. This is because we’ve given everyone else the control over our own self-worth.


Give it back! I want my power back!

The good news is you’re not stuck with these thoughts. From a psychological perspective, these core beliefs can be essentially ‘fixed’ using a form of therapy called CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), which I am undergoing at the moment and it has been quite useful so far. However, I am no psychologist and I have much more knowledge on a spiritual front so I’ll talk about that because I find it more relatable.

Most forms of spirituality teach a ‘return to the self’ where we recognise that as humans we are conditioned into our ways of thinking and acting through our interactions with society (think social rules and etiquette for example). Taoism in particular relates the true self to the infant at birth during which time it has no thought and no desire, no conditioning and therefore, no core beliefs. So how do we get back to this emptied state?

Yes, this can be just as time-consuming and difficult as psychological therapy but it’s through meditation and ‘stillness’ that we can revert to basically nothing. Now while that does sound a little esoteric, meditation has become common practice for a lot of people regardless of their beliefs and it’s even used as a technique for dealing with mental health difficulties. The point is that through meditation we can do quite a few beneficial things including, but not limited to:

  • Experience freedom from thought and worry
  • Still the body and relax
  • Contemplate
  • Become aware of your body and mind on a deeper level (which is really cool)

Now I’m not just using this post as a form of promotion for meditation and spirituality but I really do believe that this works as I’ve seen results in myself. You’ll notice that when you become more aware of yourself you have more control over things like parts of your body and your mind, including your thoughts and fears.


mhm, so what’s this got to do with essays?

Well the essay is a form of performance right? So without knowing you naturally fear the outcome of this; you’ll have to go and spend time writing an essay all the while worrying that it won’t be ‘good enough’ and then when you submit it you’ll be worrying that it won’t be ‘good enough’ because you think that to be ‘good enough’ you have to please others. Well honey that’s just not true, we are all born perfect; devoid of mind, personality and desire. It’s only our conditioning making us worry and think that we aren’t good enough. Your conditioning is not you.

So you go write that essay! you go get those marks! Because at the end of the day,you have the power over your own self-worth and that is something you should never give away.


What do you think? A bit of a stretch to liken psychology, spirituality and essays, I know, but I found it some useful food for thought.

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I have to share this post because I was actually considering taking a photo of myself injecting to illustrate the Daily Post Weekly Photo Challenge ‘Careful’, but I didn’t want to subject you all to the sight of my stomach. So imagine me with floppy ears having an injection and you’re there. I hope I’m slimmer in your imagination.

This post inspired me to write about my beloved Border Collie Jessie, who I lost to Diabetes in 2001. I saw this photo and reblogged it, however as the purpose of this site is for me to express my emotions, record my memories and work through things that have stayed with me for years, so this has turned into a full post.

This is a sensitive subject for me as I have type 1 diabetes.

Perfection: Is there such a thing when giving a diabetic dog her insulin?

strength. love. life.

Perfection. That is what my husband and I shout out to each other when we give our dog her insulin shot after finding the perfect tent and injecting the insulin without her yelping. But is there ever really such a thing? It’s been about 4 years since our Sunny was diagnosed as a diabetic and sometimes I feel like I can’t catch a break. I mean, sometimes giving her the injection can be stressful.

Four years ago, when we were in with the vet tech to learn how to give the shot, the focus was on “the tent”. A tent that seemed to appear effortlessly at the scruff of Sunny’s neck when the tech pulled it up to inject her with the test shots. And every single time the tech gave the injection, Sunny didn’t even flinch. When my husband and I tried, same thing. It seemed like giving Sunny an…

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As an adult amputee it is difficult enough to go through something so traumatic, but to go through that as a kid must be awful as kids can be very cruel to anything different.

This initiative is a wonderful idea helping them deal with the concept of losing a limb by it being made to be something positive. As for me I’ll just have to keep buying t shirts to sacrifice so they can wrap it around the top of the leg… actually I’m due for a new leg in a few weeks so I might get a Star Wars shirt this time hmmm

Boy is inducted into Darth Vader’s Own Legion, the 501st

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This is by one of my very favourite authors, Rudyard Kipling. This poem is about a father giving advice to his son, but it really resonates for everyone. Everyone should be given a copy of this on their 18th Birthday. It’s about growing up, shouldering responsibility, but also assigning yourself value, and cherishing your own character. A fantastic read, and one of my favourite poems of Kipling’s.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!”

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There Is Nothing New Under The Sun

I’m going to do here what every writer does when they can’t write or finish a piece – I’m going to Share what I’ve been reading. At least I give you nothing but the best people! This is wise old Ecclesiates, and my reason for Sharing is quite simple, even if you’re not a Christian this is sound advice for life. People constantly ask about the meaning of life, about the secrets of existence but all you really have to do is read this and other memorable parts of the Bible and the meaning becomes more clear, even if it’s just a bit. Take a chance and read it then tell me I never do anything for you!

This is about constancy, that no nasty surprises are going to happen in the future. The universe may be constantly active but life will remain the same no matter how advanced we think we’re becoming nothing new will come about. Take a look at ancient civilisations for example, most of them were as advanced as we are today. The Romans, Greeks, Spartans, read the Iliad and the Odyssey by Homer (A Masterpiece) and you’ll discover that they all had the same knowledge as us.

 “There Is Nothing New Under The Sun”

 Ecclesiastes  1:4-11

A generation goes, and a generation comes,
but the earth remains forever.

The sun rises, and the sun goes down,
and hastens to the place where it rises.

The wind blows to the south
and goes around to the north;
around and around goes the wind,
and on its circuits the wind returns.

All streams run to the sea,
but the sea is not full;
to the place where the streams flow,
there they flow again.

All things are full of weariness;
a man cannot utter it;
the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
nor the ear filled with hearing.

What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done,
and there is nothing new under the sun.

Is there a thing of which it is said,
“See, this is new”?
It has been already
in the ages before us.

There is no remembrance of former things,
nor will there be any remembrance
of later things yet to be among those who come after.

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First featured site is run by Kimberly Zapata, whose original article ‘A Letter To Those Affected By My Depression’ in ‘The Mighty’ newsletter inspired me to finally start an online blog. She also got me thinking about my own depression and how I handle it.

A Letter To Those Affected By My Depression

I hope that in Sharing this it will encourage people experiencing the same kind of symptoms to talk about it with family and friends. Believe me it’s far more common than you think.

Kimberly’s original site is Sunshine and Spoiled Milk

Also check out The Mighty for articles on believing in the power of stories, the strength of communities and the beauty of the human spirit.

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Boy Toys

Source: Boy Toys

This poem was written by Judy Dykstra-Brown, an author who has amazing talent especially for poetry, so I have included this to show you all what you’re missing. Please go and have a look at her books, photos and art by clicking on the link above.

If I were a kid again,
I’d ask for an electric train,
erector sets and building blocks,
a cane to take along on walks
for fending off mean dogs and snakes,
a little oven that really bakes,
decoder rings and magic sets,
ant farms and bug-collecting nets,
a chart for looking up the stars,
paraffin and jelly jars.

The main thing that I’d want, you see,
are more forms of activity:
canvas, paints and wood or clay
to help me pass the time of day.
Instead, adventure came in books–
days spent in armchairs or in nooks
and crannies of our lawn or house,
curled up like a little mouse,
reading of the far-off places,
imaginary deeds and faces.

But I would rather have been doing–
drawing, cutting, building, gluing.
Instead I spent my days in dreams,
filling up my mind with schemes
of what I’d do when I was older–
taller, smarter, braver, bolder.
When we are young, if no one shows us,
takes the trouble to expose us
to the world of creativity,
we may never really see

all the ways that there might be
to set imagination free.
It was plain that an erector set
was not a toy I’d ever get.
With “Hello boys,” written on the front,
the message was both clear and blunt.
Girls did not ask for toys like this.
I had no inkling of what I’d miss.
Creativity was slow to dawn.
For years, I simply played the pawn,

doing what others asked of me,
waiting until I was free
to find a path I’d never seen
caught up in the small town machine.
When I was freed into the world,
a whole new universe unfurled
undivided into  girls or boys.
I finally learned to choose the toys
I really wanted: saws and pliers,
sheets of silver, silver wires,

drill presses and dapping blocks,
glues and solder guns and caulks.
I finally have the toys I want–
not toys to look at or to flaunt,
but toys to make things with and do
–things that help me build anew
each day into whate’er I wish:
a paper lamp, a silver fish.
My story boxes tell the story
of all those years in purgatory

before I learned what else there was
to make my life take off and buzz
with focus and activity–
to fill my days and set me free.
Somehow I just got off the track
before I made my own way back,
but If I did it over again,
I’d ask for that electric train.
Around the track, I’d watch it curl–
a perfect pastime for a girl!!!

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The Daily Post: Read or Write?

Today’s (or tonight’s as the case may be) is from The Vexing Point and asks;

 WRITING PROMPT #61 – READ OR WRITE?

When I was a child I absolutely ATE books. Couldn’t get enough of them. An avid reader herself, my mother was instrumental in my love of reading, buying me books for Christmas, visiting my school and reading to us there. I read and re-read so many books my parents had a beautiful cedar bookcase made for one of my birthdays which I still have. My various schools had programs to encourage children to read and Mum used to joke ‘But how do you get them to stop?’

Then something changed. I lost the capacity for reading. The books I loved were sitting in the bookcase gathering dust and I had no idea why. It took me quite a while to work it out and in hindsight I really should have known. I was diagnosed with depression and it had taken the pleasure away from me. I actually wasn’t too upset at the depression; I was more horrified that I could no longer read as I used to. I had lost something that was so precious to me, the feeling was almost a type of grief because that world was gone. I had loved Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Crime Novels, and even my university text books were given a place in my study. I was fast becoming a TV addict and I really didn’t like it.

At that point I hadn’t read any of my books for about 6 months, but what I didn’t know was that I wasn’t going to even touch a book for many years.

When I was a child, I used to write all the time. My mother still has a plastic folder with laminated large writing in it, my early attempts at a kiddy novel which has never seen the light of day and never will. When my father got his first computer I would commandeer it whenever his back was turned, which was difficult because a) he worked from home, and b) he had eyes in the back of his head.

I was 11 years old when I won a scholarship to my high school to the delight of my parents. I had done one of my stunning pieces of writing work that came so easily to me, almost as if someone else was writing through me. I was still 11 when I wrote a poem that was published in a literature magazine for adults, a heady moment indeed. Then I was diagnosed with depression, and I wasn’t to write anything for many years.

At this point I’m still depressed, still mired down in the world by the consequences of having poorly controlled type one diabetes for 28 years, but the other day something incredible happened. I woke up. I literally woke up from a sleep that I had been dreaming for a long time, and so I started to try and look after myself by doing many things that I had neglected. I started to blood test more often, and I actually cared about myself for the first time in years. I realised that life had started when I wasn’t looking, that I had believed in the lie I had created for myself, that my achievements and my life was behind me.

Only in the past two weeks have I started to write again, not just a post a week to keep myself happy but to really record the events of my life for myself primarily, but I don’t mind if anyone deigns to read them. I’ve found myself posting things a lot more than I thought I would, I’ve had inspiration from all different aspects of my life and I’m going to run with it. I’m also reading again, not my books just yet but I have time. It’s other people’s blogs that I read, their stories fill me with a rich satisfaction that I haven’t felt for years. I hope that I never lose that feeling again.

So, I can state with complete confidence, it’s both reading and writing for me, there are no in-betweens. That’s just the way I like it.

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Too Soon?.” which asks

Can anything be funny, or are some things off limits?  

I’ve taken my time in responding to this as I found it turned me into a serious, contemplative person and I really don’t like that. Ever. It makes me look back on some of the more poignant situations in my life, the things my dear, darling brain has conveniently wiped from consciousness out of self-preservation. If I was always thinking about the tradgedies I’ve endured my life would be incredibly difficult to lead. So that’s where perspective comes into play…

I am what you may call a person of contradictions, a mixture of complete silliness if something strikes me as funny, but I can easily slip into ‘psychology student mode’ when people need to talk to me & get advice, Or even completely unsolicited advice if it really comes down to it, I’ve learnt through my own experiences that sometimes the situation warrants an air of seriousness and sometimes it means taking the humorous approach and simply running with it.

There are two base emotions which are the parental emotions: Love and Fear. Your motivation is what decides which aspect you’re coming from. I do think one could motivate the other, as in Fear of losing your child because you Love them or Loving someone because you Fear being alone, but when you deconstruct all the emotions you may be experiencing there’s usually the same reason behind it all and I believe it’s self-preservation.

Years of chronic illness have turned me into a bit of a frequent flyer in the Emergency Department, usually at some ungodly hour, and it’s been my mother that has been at the forefront of that kind of operation for going on 30 years now. She has a wicked sense of humour, is very quick-thinking and can drop a doctor with sarcasm at 20 paces… and that’s where I get my sense of humour. When I developed type one diabetes my immune system had a complete and utter breakdown, hence the visits to many specialists, GP’s, hospital wards, and as I said, (our favourite) the emergency, and it takes a toll. As one blogger put in a comment in Mary Gelpi’s hysterical page about dealing with chronic illness (she’s funnier than I am too) 25 Pills a Day:

Bethany writes;

“I’m on a first name basis with all the employees at my local pharmacy, my nightstand is groaning with the number of prescription bottles on it and the CT scan crew at the hospital gave me a frequent customer punch card as a joke”

I always get a dramatic response when in the ED especially, I kind of get Goldstar reservations to the nearest vacant room. Whispers float past me such as “Wow she’s been diabetic for 28 years with poorly-controlled sugar levels and she’s not dead’, or ‘Let’s write down what she doesn’t have it will save time’ or even ‘Triage? That’s for all the normal people! My god man she has every single complication, take a photo before she drops dead on us!’ This can be fairly disheartening when your life is in the hands of medical people who aren’t too sure of what they can do for you and they know you know it. It’s a bit like having a doctor when you’re not having a doctor. I try to prompt them every once and a while when they get stuck but it’s just not the same coming from me really. I can’t actually blame them for their frustration as I’m always complicated to deal with, and if you’re presented with me in an emergency you’re simply not going to get things right straight away. Usually there’s some fairly decent waiting time so Mum and I will play such immortal games as ‘Speculation: How Much Radiation Can One Woman Take?’ or ‘The Most Inappropriate Comment Awards’.

The point is that I had to see the funny side of everything I’d gone through and so did my mum… if we hadn’t I think that getting through this would have been impossible. Yes, it’s a defence mechanism, designed to deflect the emotions of dealing with negative situations and at the moment it’s all I have to protect me. I can’t change the fact that I have diabetes and pretty much all the complications involved, but I can change how I deal with it. A sense of humour is essential to my survival. Plus it helps while away the time

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Welcome to the Real Reason Behind the Posts….

This name of this page I will explain later on, however I feel there is something else that I need to address first. Lately I have been stumbling across many people through electronic community who have great problems like myself. For them, the medium of a blog (be they professionals or everyday folk like me) is the way to express themselves and sort through all the rubbish, like an online therapy session. This is my reason too; it’s now become a necessary part of my own mental health. The way I have coped is no longer enough to get me where I feel I need to go, so this page starts its rather auspicious beginnings as my whinge fest!

This page by far has been the hardest to begin, I’ve put it off and off by cleverly designed tactics I’ve been making up so that I can justify building an entire website. Setting up the pages, picking out pretty colours and fonts, studying html, reading other people’s blogs so as to steal ideas, and following webpage designers into their homes and threatening to harm their children if they didn’t cooperate with me and tell me all their secrets (there’s really nothing I won’t do to get ahead). However, the entire reason behind doing this in the first place was for me to discuss becoming a Diabetic, and living with Type 1 Diabetes…. and all its subsequent complications & that’s where the nasty bit starts.

I realised that it’s not writing about it that is most difficult, it’s making it public. I’ve learned to keep things secret over the years as I’ve lost friends over this & if I have then other people dealing with a chronic illness have as well. Anyone who says that they weren’t my friends in the first place can quite simply go and jump. You lose friends over something even trivial and see how you feel. You face the lonely journey through life without good friends and get the taste of isolation. I am who I am, so have never really changed myself to make other people feel ‘more comfortable’ but when it comes to Diabetes, that is something I cannot change. I think the worst thing anybody has ever said to me on that subject is ‘You have Diabetes? Well that’s easy nowadays, you just have a few injections a day and that’s it isn’t it?’. I had to be physically restrained from launching myself at their throat, and that’s pretty difficult as I’m about 6 feet. I got them in the end though, spending nearly 3 minutes on the throat area, and several more on vigorous kicking.

I am fairly unapologetic now about my life and how I live it but at the time words like that really hurt. I wanted understanding and someone to say ‘it’s not your fault’. Maybe I should tell myself instead.

So Starteth the Saga…

Reflections from Behind the Safety of a Keyboard Part 2

How can I possibly sum up the last month or so? A soap opera, only I was the star. I can retain a certain amount of humour with the whole situation, yet I’m uncomfortably aware it is every screen writer’s dream. If it amuses, then let my sorry tale become part of the many situations I understand people have to deal with every day.

When I left you in the last post, I was quite resentful and angry at the sudden upheaval my life had become, and the stress was beginning to show. I was living with my partner whom I had seriously overestimated, and he was in a psychotic state, which I later found out was due to my state of mind and the terse way I had adopted when speaking to him. I don’t deny it, I resented him for not living up for who I had imagined him to be. In the end, the relationship ended with a fizzle not a bang, and I had to pack up the house and all my worldly possessions and made the decision to stay with my mother and nurse my wounds for a bit. It was difficult to be in the same house with someone I really didn’t want to be around, but in his condition I was quite concerned about his reception if his parents agreed to take him back home, as I with my knowledge of psychology, limited as it is, judged myself guardian while he was in such an acute state of mind. I hadn’t realised the effect my emotional withdrawal from Rodney would have upon him; indeed, he was to go on and have two more episodes altogether. Up until this time it has been a matter of constant contact with his psychiatrist; I will admit too that in the five years I’ve known Rodney, I have never liked his psychiatrist, in fact I think she’s been completely ineffectual, or worse. I found out that she’d dropped off his anti-depressants, and the result saw him weeping in my arms about not wanting to live any more; after that I became angry with her too being so lacking in judgement.

This post is in danger of becoming a story about psychosis, but the behaviour of someone in that frame of mind can change dramatically when medications are being altered, sometimes from day to day, and I can see how it might be a scary premise to the uninitiated. As the onlooker, you’re required to make a lot of judgement in regards to their frame of mind, what to expect next, whether you’re going to hide the knives and car keys in a safe place, whether they’re going to bounce into the house on an antipsychotic fuelled high or slink through the house in an endless fascination with morbidity. Perhaps I’m being a tad melodramatic, but then again perhaps not as the day where Rod wept in my arms was followed immediately the next day by the whole bouncing-around-the-house-no -one’s-going-to-kill-my-buzz high. These medications work fast, and the mental adjustments on a daily basis was exhausting to say the least. I feared for Rod’s lack of control and judgement in these situations; the combination of uppers and downers was quite dazzling and I blessed my knowledge of medications for not the first time in my life. I quailed at the antipsychotics, the Valium, then a drug that acts on the nervous system called Lyrica, and on top of that sleeping tablets which are pretty much the same as Valium. For the moment, Rod’s reasonably stable but he’ll be dealing with these kind of episodes for the rest of his life, and the hunt for the right dose of medication continues.

The stress did take it’s toll, so that I became quite ill on the day I was to go to Mum’s and had to be hospitalised, while my sainted mother saw all my furniture and possessions save for personal, loaded into a large crate and safely stored away. I don’t imagine she ever thought she’d be doing that again at her age, but life will throw stuff like that at you from time to time. I also lost my computer  for nearly four weeks to a bad bout of malware and an I.T. guy who was extremely time poor, and in that time I found out just how addicted to the Internet I really am. I might write a post about that and call it ‘Tales from Behind a Hard Drive’, but then I also might come to my senses and have a whinge about something else instead. Not having a computer, I had to admit defeat when it came to starting university this year, but for the moment I’ve signed up for Open 2 Study, just some Statistics and Psychology, just so that when i go back to uni in May I’m in the right frame of mind.

I know I’ve learnt a lot from what’s happened, and that above all I’d like to keep the promises zI made to myself where I would place a greater emphasis on my own happiness and it’s academics that does that. We each have our own way of going, where we’re going to take the easy option and stay with the familiar, or we can choose ourselves and what really matters to us. I’m just the kind of person who tends to thrive in conflict and mayhem, and eventually I come out the better for it. Change doesn’t come without a price, but the rewards are wondrous to behold.

Regards,

Emily

 

Reflections from Behind the Safety of a Keyboard Part 1

Yes, your eyes do not betray you, this is a post after roughly 6 weeks of absence. So what happened? I lost the plot, I gave into stress and decided the world would be better if I just kept quiet and held my peace. I completely lost my confidence. The breaking factor was the death of my uncle, who I hadn’t actually seen for years because he couldn’t seem to understand that my type 1 diabetes was not of my own making. He was also awfully competitive with my mother, and constantly bullied her, so he and I were never going to be friends anyway if he continued this treatment. Mum had finally got up the courage to cut him off by returning a birthday card he had sent her, because of all the stress of conversing with him and his semi-polite condescending manner which he permanently adopted when speaking with her. He tried to speak to me in the same way until I became old enough to figure out what he was doing, and then I would cut him down from the pseudo-intellectual height he had assumed for himself and ask him why he had that particular opinion in an innocent tone and let him explain himself away. The absolute height of the matter came to a head when my mother finally left my emotionally abusive and womanising father, where Mum sat in her new place, broke and friendless (because we’d moved from two states away and didn’t know anyone), rang her brother and asked if she could borrow the sum of $400. He wouldn’t speak to her that night, so instead Mum explained the situation to his wife who was extremely sympathetic and encouraging in the huge step my mother had made, and told her that my uncle would call her the next night as he was ‘tired’. What happened next took our breath away, as although my uncle’s resentment towards his younger sister was always apparent behind his thinly veiled veneer of good manners, there was the idea of family and blood ties. Mum began to speak to my uncle, who listened for about 30 seconds then suddenly attacked, demanding why hadn’t Mum sent him a birthday card in the previous month and how selfish she was, and then hung up on his sister, leaving her holding the phone, staring at it like it had suddenly come to life and bitten her.

So how had we found about about his death? Not from his wife, or any of my cousins, but from when I was researching our family tree in an attempt to discover more about the people I was forced to leave behind to move to another state because my father couldn’t stay away from his girlfriend. If you think you can read anger and resentment in that sentence, you’d be right. The history of my family is complicated, but isn’t every family at heart? I knew that last gesture of Mum sending my uncle’s card to her back to him would engender resentment in him, but the extent was only revealed when I made the discovery that he had died in February 2013, and not a soul had ever bothered to do the courtesy of letting us know. I’m not entirely sure why the whole thing has affected me so much, but I completely lost my confidence and retreated to that place inside where you don’t want to talk to anyone at all and simply wish the world would pass you by. I think it’s because my sense of self=worth has been eroding over time as my weight has gone up, and my dependance on my ex-partner had grown because the house I live in is not at all suited to someone who uses sticks and a wheelchair to get around. 

The inevitable happened on Monday and my engagement ended in not a fierce argument byt a mere whimper as we agreed to part ways. I’m experiencing a lot of emotions at the moment, anger and regret being the dominant ones but then I will settle into a feeling of distance from it all as if it were another person altogether who is trying to plan for a new life. I feel scattered and unfocused, for I’m desperately trying to deal with an ex-partner who has just a psychotic episode and is high as a kite on antis, and would probably harm himself if I wasn’t around to dictate to him what he should do and when and where he should do it. I honestly feel as if I was caring for a three year old, but I suspect that a three year old would learn from what I was trying to teach them. Rodney is always very difficult to deal with, but since his schizophrenic tendencies have come to the forefront, I have been left with the feeling that no matter how patient I am he is never going to learn a thing. I really don’t think he can blame this solely on his condition, because my belief is that he has always been looked after by his parents, and they haven’t instilled an ounce of independance in him so he takes things for granted. It’s emotionally very wearing when every month I have to ask him to pay his share of the bills, and he tells he ‘forgot’ which I think is highly unlikely because the same bills are involved and they do tend to be due on the exact same date, funnily enough. To me, this forgetfulness means that he’s secretly hoping that I’m going to pay them so that he won’t have to.

So I’ve gathered myself together, given myself a shake and asked what it is that I really want to do now? Not an easy question to answer, but I want some of my life back from before this happened, some control over my future and regained happiness. I beg your deepest pardon for my desertion, but I ask you to consider the circumstances and forgive me. Nor can I promise that I won’t be disappearing again for a while. as I must pack the house and I have precious little time in which to do it, but this time I will give warning. I’ve missed posting as I appreciate the comments from all of you and the friendships I’ve made online. Both Wandering Soul and David at Vexing Point have been kind enough to enquire about me, and I sincerely thank them for caring during a time in my life where I began to wonder whether anyone bothered about me at all.

It’s amazing how badly a lost relationship can affect how one feels about oneself, but I think for now I have to accept that I’m not going to be feeling that great for a while. Of course I’m wondering how I could have made so serious an error in judgement, to trust someone who can thoroughly exploit your good nature for their own purposes and still think their behaviour is acceptable and justified. It leaves me saddened that someone who I loved and was prepared to marry has has shown his true nature by sharing a house with me and proving he is ill-equipped to shoulder adult responsibilities. I must however try not to focus on what was lost but what will be regained by my newly found independence, I don’t know how my life is going to shape out but I do know that I am strong and will handle it with the grace of God. 

Regards,

Emily

I’m Changing My Facebook Photo to the Flag of Syria

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Ok, I admit it, now I’m really annoyed. So many people are changing their Facebook profile pictures to the flag of France, after the attacks on Paris and it’s starting to get to me. Where have they been? Do they think the Death Cult dropped out of the sky? What do they think has been happening in Syria and the surrounding countries for the last 20 odd years? These cults have systematically tried to destroy their own people, commit acts of violence, torture, and rape and you can’t tell me people didn’t know that these extremists didn’t exist? Millions, yes that’s millions have died as a result of a brutal war and suddenly everyone is speaking in hushed tones about the tragedies in Paris. Yes, of course it’s a tragedy, yes it’s a horrible thing to happen, but the hyperbole expressed by onlookers is a bit much. What do you think the people of Syria have been going through on a daily basis, where just saying the wrong thing could get you killed?

Imagine trying to go shopping when at any moment gunfire breaking across the market, or attending school where walking to English class might get you shot, or if you’re a woman, being in the wrong place in the wrong time might get you brutally raped, and you’re just trying to live your daily life. Imagine if you make that decision to leave the country that you love, have to make your way to Turkey in order to make a dangerous crossing across the ocean in a rickety boat, and pay $1000 for the privilege. Imagine finally getting to Europe and finding out that you’re not welcome, the country doesn’t want you because it thinks you’re a terrorist, and even if you’re processed (lovely terminology that) it won’t be until 2020. Then you have no way to support your family, you can’t work because you’re in a ‘transitive period’, and have to accept charity because otherwise your children will starve. Even then, after everything you’ve gone through, you’re not accepted because your culture and religion are different.

If the Paris attacks mean anything to you, if you’ve changed your Facebook photo to the French flag, then do something about it and help stop the terrorism by sharing this post. Don’t let this go, don’t forget in a week’s time when everyone forgets and all the politicians have let this slide, because unless pressure is brought to bear, that’s exactly what will happen. Don’t except the treatment of the refugees in Europe, because it’s inhuman and not acceptable. If our country was attacked and we were forced to flee, would we expect another country to accept us? Of course we would, and there would be outrage if we were treated with the contempt that the refugees in Europe have been.

All I ask you to do is think, really think about the entire situation. In that spirit, I’m going to change my Facebook photo, my Gravatar, and my Twitter photo to the flag of Syria for a month, until 17th of December, to show that I am recognising the hell these people are going through, that I am recognising that Muslims all round the world are suffering, that this year over 750, 000 people have been forced to flee from their homes. I ask that you do the same, even if it’s for an hour. Stop thinking this is a French problem because this involves the world. Stop the ignorance.

Please click here to donate to UNICEF.

 

Mr Frog

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At our property in Qld I had a bathroom in the stables, except that I had to share it with a beautiful green tree frog as big as my fist who lived in the toilet. He was perfectly happy there, because the toilet got its water from the rainwater tank, so it was as close to the frog’s natural environment as possible, and anyway we just didn’t have the heart to move him. The usual procedure was to find the frog before you sat down, wet your hands to protect his skin and carefully place him in the bathroom sink. One day my father came into the shed after a few beers and working out in the sun planting some much needed trees in one of the paddocks. He proceeded to the toilet, but all of a sudden I heard him swear, and suddenly bolt out of the bathroom at a rate of knots, muttering under his breath with his pants in one hand as he desperately tried to keep them from falling down around his ankles. I stood there wondering what the heck was going on, until I caught his words, and I heard him say ‘frog’ ‘flushed toilet’ ‘lost’ and then I caught on. I quickly ran with him around the back of the shed, until we came to the grate where the water was, only to see my father snatch it up and start frantically searching with one hand. Finally, he pulled out a rather startled-looking frog, and breathlessly said;

‘I forgot the little sod was in the toilet and flushed him!’

The Paris Shootings

Instead of covering the shootings and bombings in Paris, I’d like you all to visit Henry’s response to this awful tragedy, because Henry is the voice of the youth coming into adulthood in the next 5 years, so his opinion is critical if we want to effect change. If Henry was a politician, I’m sure I’d be voting for him. His take on the situation is very passionate, but as always he’s taken the facts (backed up too, not idle speculation) and put them in perfect context. I hope that this article is chosen for Freshly Pressed, because of it’s readability and whole-hearted reaction.

Regards,

Emily

Source: The Paris Shootings